INSOMNIA

“I have to get some sleep.”

 

         David rolled over and looked at his friend. In the moonlight he saw the slump of Jeb’s shoulders and knew there were also shadows beneath his eyes. Straightening up from his blanket, David rubbed his hands over his face.

 

         “Jeb we’ve talked about this. Stop worrying about sleeping … try counting the stars or something. Just relax.

 

         Both of the teenagers looked up at the sky. Inky darkness melted across the heavens with shimmering dots of white. David breathed in deeply.  Nearby a fat and wooly sheep gave a soft sigh into the night.

 

         David smiled. “See look at Netha. She doesn’t worry about when she sleeps.”

 

         At the sound of David’s voice the old sheep wandered over to him and nuzzled his hand. David reached out and rubbed Netha’s soft coat.

 

         “You and that dumb sheep.” Jeb shook his head and pulled his blanket up over his shoulders.

 

         “I’m just so tired. I need to get some sleep. It’s been four nights now and I’ve slept only a few hours here and there. You don’t understand how this feels.”

 

         David drew his breath in and set his jaw. Turning and facing Jeb he let his words out slowly.

 

         “Jeb there are worse things than not sleeping a few nights.”

 

         If it weren’t so dark on the hillside, David would have seen his friend’s face flush. As it was, even in the cover of darkness, David knew his friend was angry.

 

         “Really David. Well what could be worse than being exhausted every day? Let me guess you are going to tell me I could be sick or have no family or no flock to watch.”

 

         “No. I was going to say you could be missing life by looking at only your sleepless nights.”

 

         “What could I possibly be missing David? Look around us … nothing but sheep and darkness. I want to sleep.”

 

         Jeb got up abruptly and threw his blanket to the ground. David folded his hands together and let his head fall forward. He wished he could think of the right thing to say to Jeb. He wished for peace between him and his friend. He wished …

 

Movement from the sheep about twenty yards away caught David’s attention. At the same time Jeb turned back and fixed his attention on the same spot. Both of the boys looked puzzled. It was as though there was a stirring in the night. Slowly Jeb walked toward David.

 

It happened so quickly that neither one could take it in. The split of brilliant light into the night … the angel … the words of “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

 

Well you know the rest. The boys never did sleep that night. And Jeb never complained again.

 

         Amazing moments can be wrapped in ugly circumstances. No matter what our situation is … let’s not miss the brilliant announcement of a Savior this Christmas!

WAKING UP IN HEAVEN

The coughing pounded through my lungs and throat leaving me gasping for air. I carefully lifted the covers and walked slowly from the bedroom.

 

The family room was bathed in moonlight, pictures of the grandchildren smiled out from the walls. Another spasm overcame my joy. Finally as the coughing subsided I sat down on the worn couch and breathed as best I could. I loved this room with its pictures and memories; the old furniture spoke of years of gatherings. The windows were covered in curtains I had made. I breathed in and out.

 

The morning sunlight spilled into the room in a cascade of gold with iridescent fingers melting the air. I breathed deeply … without coughing. Oh thank you Lord. Some small sound caught my attention and turning slowly to my surroundings; I didn’t recognize where I was.

 

I was not in my bedroom.

 

I remembered walking to the family room in the middle of the night … but one look around revealed I was not in my family room.

 

That sound again. What … is it possible … yes … it is singing. I stood up with ease and took another delicious deep breath, exhaling peacefully without the catch in my chest I had come to expect.  But I could tell … the racking cough was gone for good. 

 

I knew then. Reading and imagining hadn’t done justice to what lay before me now. Perfect lush trees, my favorite thing on earth, looked completely amazing here. There wasn’t a sun – just like it said – but the light was too wonderful … airy … alive … golden. As much as I wanted to see all the sights and follow the golden paths and see the angels and meet Jeremiah and find my mom and see my friend Karen for coffee …

 

I had to see Him.

 

The moment I thought it … there He was.

 

Smiling … I knew He would be smiling.

 

Offering out His nail scarred hands …

 

Then He spoke-

 

“Well done good and faithful servant, enter into My joy and the place I have prepared for you.”

 

REALLY??!!!!

 

After all my screw ups, angry days … I mean I tried but seriously … ME?

 

He smiled again.

 

So after all … it was all about Him.

He was able to carry me safely.

Because I went with Him …

                                                      I got to here.

 

Amazing Grace!

 

GO AHEAD … PICK IT UP

At fourteen, Skylar was a beauty. Long chestnut hair, bright blue eyes and a confidant stride, she was a popular freshman at her high school. Skylar’s friends were all established since grade school and she could be seen chatting and laughing with at least one of them constantly. It was rare to find her without a smile.

 

         “Skylar, are you ready? It’s time for church.” Her mom looked anxiously toward the closed door and then at her husband.

 

         Skylar rolled over in her bed and groaned. But what if I just don’t go? Her parents weren’t going to physically drag her. And so a seed of rebellion was dropped, nourished by friends, watered by culture. Privileges were taken away, encouragement was attempted, and the pastor even came to visit Skylar.

 

         But her mind was made up. The life of religion sounded hard and boring.

 

         On a day when she was home with nothing to do she began thinking about the small neighborhood church where she had attended so many years. Her face relaxed into a grin when she remembered the annual Christmas play that never came off quite right but was fun nonetheless.

 

         From outside the sun seemed to shift from the clouds and a beam of it flowed right into her room. Skylar jumped up from the bed and ran to the window to feel the warming rays.

 

         As she warmed in the sunlight and reflected on the fact that it seemed headed exactly for her room, Skylar saw a man outside in the distance.  The sun was at his back and he was walking toward her.

 

          Just outside by the old oak tree nearest her room, the man set down a box. Driven by curiosity, Skylar went outside. For some reason even standing right next to the man, she couldn’t make out his facial features. His long robe looked bizarre to a fashion conscious teen.

 

         Putting his hand out as if to invite her to pick up the box, the man stood perfectly still and waited. Skylar touched the box. It was a black, rough and as she attempted to lift it – heavy.  Skylar turned and went back inside.

 

***

        

         Twice more during her lifetime the man came to her. Each time the offer was made of the black box. Once during childbirth, his face was right next to her but she still couldn’t make out the features. The box seemed lighter but still the ugly exterior made Skylar feel that nothing of value could be there.

 

         The second time was at the death of her mother. The funeral parlor was filled with fragrance and she saw the man in glistening white sitting next to her dad. She went over to him but her dad was deep in conversation with the man and she didn’t want to interrupt.

 

During the eulogy the pastor lifted up the black box and invited people to check it out. As everyone else filed out, Skylar eased up to the black box and started to open the lid. At that exact moment, her husband came and took her hand away.

        

         “We’ve talked about this.”

 

         “You’re right. It’s just my mom …”

 

         “I know.” And her husband held her close.

 

 

***

 

         With frail hands, Skylar grasped the hospital sheet and tears slipped from her now faded blue eyes. Silver hair framed her face and was the first thing the chaplain noticed as he came into the room.

 

         He talked softly with Skylar for a while about her life and her diagnosis. He watched as her face softened when she mentioned her daughter who had recently returned to her own family in Cleveland.

 

         “Will she be back soon?”

 

         Skylar smiled. “She wanted to stay but the doctor said I have a couple months. I told her to go back and spend time with her family.”

 

         “So is there anything I can do to help?”

 

         She looked into the merry brown eyes of the young man in front of her. He should know. Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, Skylar asked, “Can you tell me about the man? He has offered me a black box a few times but I have always walked away.”

 

         The chaplain smiled. “Lots of people are afraid of the black box and so miss a lifetime of …” Here he stopped himself. Beginning again he said, “I’d be happy to tell you all about him.”

 

         An hour later the chaplain had slipped quietly from the room and Skylar was left to her thoughts.  In the corner, seated in the hospital chair, appeared the man she had seen at a distance and close up but never very clearly.

 

         Now his features were sharply defined: a strong jawline, merry eyes, calloused hands, and a kind smile. He wore a red flannel shirt and jeans. Funny how eager she felt to talk to him.

 

         As they spoke, Skylar found he was a good listener, better than anyone she had ever spoken with, and understood her so well. The room began to brighten and slowly the man’s clothes changed to iridescent white with a gold sash across his chest and a splendid crown on his head. How could she have missed this … obviously a king and she had spoken to him as a familiar friend.

 

Skylar got out of bed and bowed at his feet. He smiled down at her and extended a scarred hand to lift her to her feet.

 

Once again … he offered her the black box. Trembling hands received it and Skylar sat back in bed to open it up. For a moment she just looked at it and then back at him. It really wasn’t all that heavy.

 

Skylar gasped in surprise, for inside was nothing like the outside. The exterior was the enemy’s description of the box that Skylar had been deceived by … dark … rough … heavy to lift … impossible to carry … of no real value.

 

The first thing Skylar saw … beautiful silver and golden threads spun into a tapestry on a dark rich velvet lining. Skylar reached in and picked up … her cross.

 

 

 

The right size, with life lessons lovingly created especially for His beloved … that’s what’s in the black box that the enemy would have you avoid.  So go ahead … pick it up … follow Him.

        

 

A CHRISTMAS TO REMEMBER

Jacob’s face was pressed against the clear glass as he watched the planes slowly roll to the gates.

 

“Is that daddy’s plane mommy?”

 

Brenda smiled a little. Her eyes were shiny with dark semi-circles under them. Tiny lines spread out from the edges. They weren’t that way a year ago.

 

“No Jake. Daddy’s plane won’t be here for another hour. Would you like some hot chocolate while we wait?”

 

“No thanks mom. I don’t want to miss daddy when he comes.”

 

A huge tree was lit with tiny sparks of white and glistening ornaments at the end of the concourse. Brenda’s eyes went to it. Silver garland draped the walls; Christmas music made a low hum and people seemed to be in a heightened mood of excitement.

 

Brenda joined Jacob at the windows and gazed at the heavy-laden gray sky. Jacob kept vigil on the planes.

 

***

 

“Devon, hurry up we need to get to grandma’s house.”

 

Devon dragged his shiny new truck as he wrestled with his jacket. His face sported a huge grin displaying missing front teeth.

 

Dabbing at her eyes with a wilted tissue, Sheila couldn’t help but smile.

 

“Honey, don’t you want to leave that here.”

 

“No mom. You said this is grandma’s last Christmas. She will want to see my truck.”

 

Sheila winced at the matter of fact pronouncement by her son. She looked over to her husband who gently folded her into his arms.

 

“It will be okay. Your mom will think it is funny.”

 

Ted drew back from his wife and scanned her face.

 

“Sheila, some folks don’t get to say goodbye. Your mom is going to have the whole family there today to enjoy. This is going to be a wonderful day even though it hurts.”

 

 

The family crowded into the tiny living room with mismatched chairs. In the kitchen, food spilled over from counters to stove to table as each small family brought their offerings for the dinner. Soon conversations, laughter, arguments; all rose together in a crescendo of family.

 

Amidst the chaos sat a chubby woman with silver hair and wrinkled hands that held a shiny toy truck. Beneath the oxygen tubes that underlined her nose, her smile lit up the room.

 

I have been so blessed … so many Christmas dinners with my children …  grandchildren who love me … my beloved husband who I will soon see again … and the Christmas I met Him.  

As she glanced at the manger scene above the fireplace, a voice cut through her reverie, “Okay everyone – time to eat.”

 

Devon walked up to his grandmother and gently took her hand.

 

“Come on grandma. I want to walk you to your last Christmas dinner because you are the best grandma ever.”

 

The room silenced itself in ebbs of lost voices until nothing sounded except gentle breathing. Suddenly the burden of stillness was broken by the grandmother’s laughter.

 

“That will work out perfectly Devon, because I would like to walk with you …” here she stopped and looked around her with twinkling eyes, “and all of you to the first of your Christmas’ for the rest of your lives.  Sheila dear, will you bring my Bible? Let’s read the story before we eat.”

 

***

 

The casket rolled slowly amidst the soldiers standing at attention. Jacob held his fingers straight and brought them to his forehead. A single tear slid down Brenda’s cheek.

 

Much later at home, Brenda holding a gold wedding band and Jacob clutching a smartly folded flag sat together looking at photos on the computer. Christmas’ past … a shiny tree, heaps of packages, and a smiling face with dancing brown eyes.  In one of them, father and son were each holding huge red stockings with happy grins.

 

The room surrounding the computer looked barren. There was no tree … no shiny packages … no stocking by the mantle. Yet the only thing really missing was the smiling face with dancing brown eyes. Brenda sighed. I know he isn’t really missing. She remembered the night they met Him for the first time.

 

 

***

 

The shepherd boy looked down into the baby’s face. The star he had followed shone right onto the makeshift cradle. The air was fresh and still. A mesmerizing wonder filled the stable and mingled with the smell of hay and earth.

 

To the side were richly dressed kings offering fragrant and expensive gifts. The baby’s mother and father stood close by holding hands and fixing their eyes on the newborn. A dirty white wooly sheep and a worn out donkey lay down quietly near the bed of straw.

 

The shepherd boy knew he would never have a night better than this. Here in the stable amongst the chosen, the kings, the animals … here in the presence of God. An ordinary boy with an extraordinary Christmas … the first … the only … a Christmas to remember.

 

FAITHFUL

David adjusted his tie and smoothed his suit. Hands shaking, he reached for the doorknob and opened it to find his best friend standing before him.

 

“Sam you look as nervous as I feel.”

 

“David. Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

 

David’s warm brown eyes looked directly into Sam’s eyes as he answered. “Yes Sam. Sarah is my chosen one for life. I know she isn’t perfect but she is perfect for me.”

 

With a sigh from Sam and an eager smile on David’s face, the two friends headed toward the sanctuary.

 

Music played softly then rose in a crescendo as the young bride entered on the arm of her father. Her gown was a pristine white satin and Sarah held a crimson bouquet of roses.

 

They promised before family and friends to be faithful until death. Next to them yet unseen, Yashmea nodded and a tear trickled down his face.

 

 

***

“David you have to do something. She has squandered every penny of your money and … well son I’ve talked to Sam and I know the rest.”

 

David sat on the worn couch and sipped the hot coffee his mother had made. There were random papers on the coffee table and he picked one up perusing it slowly before he gently put it back. In the kitchen dishes were heaped in the sink, a musty smell hung in the air and a clean surface couldn’t be found.

 

“Mom, I know you mean well but I made a promise. I’m staying with Sarah and working to make things better. You need to go to your house and I will take care of mine. I love you.”

 

David’s mother had tears in her eyes and a bright flush to her face but she turned and walked to the door. For a brief second she looked back at her strong and wonderful son … then she closed the door gently behind her.

 

Yashmea sat next to David and put a hand on his shoulder.

 

***

 

Sarah screamed with the pain of pushing the new life forward. Bright lights revealed the beaded perspiration as the drama continued to the pinnacle of a small crying voice. David’s face beamed. Sarah stole a glance at her husband and lowered her eyes with shame.

 

Some time later the two new parents sat alone and watched as Benjamin slept in the tiny bassinette.

 

“David I have something to tell you.”

 

David turned his gaze from his sleeping son to his wife. She was still so beautiful to him. He knew what was coming.

 

“David … the baby … Benjamin … oh this is so hard.” Sarah began sobbing uncontrollably.

 

David wrapped his arms around her as he spoke, “There is nothing you can tell me that we can’t face together.”

 

“But you won’t love me anymore. You won’t want me as your wife.”

 

David gently wiped away Sarah’s tears. He touched her trembling lips and took her hands in his.

 

“There is nothing you can tell me that will make me want to leave you. We took a covenant of marriage … I love you forever.”

 

“But David-“ Sarah paused and drew a deep breath then whispered, “I broke the covenant.”

 

There was silence in the room for several seconds before David spoke, “I know.”

 

Sarah looked up. “But Benjamin isn’t your son.”

 

“He is now.”

 

Yashmea nodded and smiled.

 

***

 

David straightened his tie and smoothed his suit. Hands shaking, he reached for the knob and opened the door. There seated in a wheelchair, her iron gray hair wild and uncombed, Sarah sat gazing out the window.

 

“Don’t want any. Get out. No salesman allowed.”

David picked up the hairbrush from the nearby table and began to gently brush Sarah’s hair. Hours later as she sat still staring out the window, Sarah looked over at him and smiled.

 

“I love you.”

 

David’s face beamed with joy as a tear dropped to his lap.

 

“I’ll always love you.”

 

Yashmea smiled.

 

 

As David shuffled down the hallway he saw Maria, a nurse’s aid with a sunny smile, headed his way. David stopped and smiled.

 

“Maria so nice to see you.”

 

“Mr. David, nice to see you also. How is Miss Sarah today?”

 

“She just told me she loved me.” David reached for a handkerchief and Maria averted her eyes.

 

He probably has no idea that she says that phrase multiple times a day usually directed to the air. And I don’t plan to tell him. Maria looked at the obviously exhausted elderly man before her and felt a stab of pity.

 

Aloud she said, “You know Mr. David, Sarah wouldn’t know if you missed a day and the rest would do you good. She doesn’t always even know who you are.”

 

David inhaled deeply and let his breath out in a slow measured exhale, then he smiled.

“But Miss Maria … I know who I am. ”

 

They were both silent for a moment.

 

“Good-bye Miss Maria. I’ll see you tomorrow.” With a smile and a twinkle in the warm brown eyes, David headed home.

 

Yashmea nodded his approval.

 

COMFORT

She was the perfect dog. Timmy nuzzled her face periodically as he played with his toy cars on the warm wooden floor of the living room. Penny looked up at Timmy with brown, adoring eyes. It was a friendship made in heaven. Surrounding them the smell of freshly baked cookies gently glided through the house.

 

After a while, Timmy headed into the kitchen and Penny padded along with him close to his side. As the little boy sat down at the table, the dog plopped at his feet. Timmy’s mom came over with a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk. It was a perfect day … or it would have been if his dad were there.

 

But Timmy’s dad would not be coming home.

 

“Mom are you going to heaven too?”

 

“Eventually Timmy … yes.”

 

“Is Penny?”

 

Angeline sat down carefully across from her son. As Penny sniffed her hand, Angeline reached down and stroked her black and white shiny coat. Penny lifted brown eyes to her face and appeared to be expectantly waiting for an answer.

 

“I believe she is Timmy.”

 

“How do you get there mom?”

 

 

***

 

Timmy’s long gangly body stretched across the bed and tears streamed freely down his face. He heard his mom’s gentle knock on the door and sat up quickly swiping his cheeks.

 

“Come in.”

 

Angeline entered and noticed the disheveled appearance of her son’s bedroom. She sat down on the bed next to him and placed her hand over his. She drew a deep breath in and slowly exhaled.

 

“She was a perfect dog Timmy.”

 

“Yeah.”

   

  “She was such a blessing to our lives.”

 

“Yeah mom. I know.”

 

Angeline sat silently.

 

An hour later found the mother and teenage son still sitting together, not heeding the tears that cascaded. A box of tissues sat between them and pictures of Timmy and Penny were scattered across the bed.

 

“She loved to run with me.”

 

“She sure did.”

 

“Do you think she was tired mom?”

 

“Probably. She had lived a good long life.”

 

“Now she is in heaven?”

 

“Now she is in heaven.”

 

“So I’ll see her again?”

 

“You will see her again.”

 

 

***

 

 

Tim stood at the graveside with glazed eyes. The crowd had left. The service had been nice … as nice as a funeral service can be. The wind whipped through the surrounding trees and Tim could feel the chill seep through his clothes and down into his skin. His chest felt heavy and his head ached.

 

Slowly Tim turned away from the graveside and started toward his car. Someone was there waiting for him… Yashmea. Although Yashmea frequently dressed in a splendid robe of glistening white, Tim saw that today he had on a flannel plaid shirt with jeans and was holding something in His hands.

 

Yashmea set the warm cookies on the car hood and opened His arms wide. In a moment the friends were embracing and Tim’s tears spilled on the flannel shirt. Hours later found the two of them sitting on the couch at Tim’s apartment with a plate containing cookie crumbs between them and two empty water bottles on the coffee table.

 

“She was tired toward the end.”

 

Yashmea’s dancing brown eyes looked directly into Tim’s.

 

“She’s not tired anymore Tim.”

 

Tim smiled. For a time he was lost in his thoughts … about his mom … heaven …Yashmea.  When he looked around Tim didn’t see Yashmea and for a moment the sadness enveloped him again.

 

Then a strong hand grasped his shoulder and Tim heard the words that would see him through the rest of his life:

 

“Let not your heart be troubled. I will never leave you or forsake you.”

 

Tim laid his head on the couch and slept.

 

 

From The Yashmea Trilogy:

In our book “Breathe” check out a similar scene of comfort as Malachi walks in the woods after his devastating loss … even before he becomes friends with Yashmea.

 

“Breathe” chapter 8 – pages 67-71